The typewriter was more than just a machine; it was a sanctuary. In the chaos of my childhood, it was the one constant, the one thing that allowed me to express the turmoil inside. The rhythmic clack of the keys was my only form of self-expression, and it became my lifeline. The act of writing grounded me, gave me purpose, and helped me heal. Writing wasn’t just a pastime—it was my way of survival, my way of making sense of the world. Even now, as technology changes, that sound, that rhythm, is still a part of me.

Every night, I stood at the edge of the brown shag carpet, staring at the towering canopy bed, my heart racing as shadows twisted into shapes that seemed to come alive. I would take a deep breath and leap, certain the monsters hiding beneath would grab me if I didn’t.

But the jump wasn’t just about bedtime. My whole life felt like one long leap into the unknown—moving to Amarillo, starting a new school, living with Mama Jean and Daddy Bud. Everything was new, strange, and unsettling. The only constant through it all was the rhythmic clack of the typewriter, its steady sound grounding me when everything else felt uncertain.

The day Aunt Sue drove our U-Haul out of South Carolina is one I’ll never forget. As we pulled away from Daddy Number Two’s house, she glanced at me with a sly grin and said, “We gotta get you guys outta here. That man’s got eight wives locked in his basement.”

At the time, I didn’t know whether to laugh or be terrified. I took her words literally, filing them away with all the other odd, fragmented memories of my childhood. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I realized Aunt Sue’s stories were more than just jokes—they were her way of navigating a life full of hardships with humor as her armor.

Aunt Sue, the oldest of three siblings, had been through a lot. Life in the small town wasn’t always kind, and Granddaddy, with his tough love and hard lessons, was a man who could be as mean as a snake. Yet, Aunt Sue always faced life head-on, armed with a quick wit and a story for every occasion.

But even then, even as a little girl, I understood something deeper: we were running. Running toward something better, or at least something different. It wasn’t just a physical escape—it was a symbolic one.

In the glow of daylight, I fought back. I invented stories on Mama Jean’s typewriter—stories where the monsters were defeated, where the lonely girl found her place. I typed until my fingers ached, until the room felt less dark, until the monsters went silent. For a while.

Years later, I realized the monsters were never gone; they simply changed form. As a child, they took shape in the shadows of a new bedroom. As an adult, they hid in the recesses of my memory, emerging during moments of doubt or fear. But back then, the typewriter gave me a tool to face them. Every clack of its keys was an act of defiance, a small victory against the unseen forces trying to pull me down.

As a child, I couldn’t grasp the complexities of trauma or why it settled in my young heart like a heavy fog. I just knew I felt out of place, carrying a sadness that words couldn’t capture. The adults around me, though filled with love, were navigating their own struggles, leaving me to wrestle with emotions I couldn’t name. It wasn’t until years later that I began to see the puzzle of our family more clearly—the way each of us carried pieces of resilience and unspoken pain. Through it all, Mama Jean’s typewriter became my silent confidant, the one place I could pour out my tangled thoughts and begin to make sense of my world.

In Amarillo, nothing felt familiar—not the suburban streets, not the orderly rows of houses, and certainly not the buildings stacked atop each other like bales of hay in the city’s heart. I had come from a place where life sprawled outward—fields stretching to the horizon, barefoot days spent chasing fireflies, and people who spoke in the rhythm of cicadas. Here, everything rose up, as if the world were trying to press me into the ground.

I didn’t fit. My clothes, my accent, even my wiry frame marked me as different. I was the redneck farm girl who didn’t understand why sidewalks replaced dirt paths or why the sky seemed smaller here. At night, the shadows cast by streetlights through the canopy bed’s frilly lace convinced me that monsters lay in wait. By day, those same monsters followed me into classrooms where my sharp mind didn’t help me make friends, only made me more of an outsider.

The typewriter became my sanctuary. Its keys were solid and predictable, a grounding rhythm I could control in a world that felt like a storm. When I pressed down, the letters landed on paper in neat, orderly lines, as if it were possible to make sense of things after all.

The clack of the keys became a comforting rhythm, a way to channel the restless energy of my young mind. Soon, the typewriter became my escape—a tool to make sense of the chaos swirling around me.

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