The Grave Digger
Outsourcing Grief
By Leigh William
I outsourced my grief
to the grave digger.
Rather than beads of sweat
blending with the tears
of my sorrow,
rather than lying
in the shallow bed
of earth’s most fertile soil,
staring up
at clouds billowing
across a pale blue sky
as winds swept them,
one form to the next,
just as we are swept
from one form
to the next.
I sat at my desktop,
cell phone in one hand,
ChatGPT at the ready,
searching reviews
for who to call
to lay my loved one to rest.
And it was in that moment,
as tears trickled
between D and C and V,
it occurred to me
how incredibly healing
it must have been
to move the body
through each range of motion,
back when humans
were touched by soil
through bare hands
and bare feet,
scouring the land
in search of that perfect resting place
where sun would shine
with brightness,
warming the soul,
and the perfect tree
with the perfect shade
would hit the eternal resting place
at the perfect hour,
when tears were sure to fall
between 2 and 3.
Yes,
how healing it must be
to haul shovel and spade,
to bend and score the very soil,
lifting pebbles
and earthly debris,
letting each slip through the fingers
while touching the exact point
where one’s love
embraces heaven.
Then lying gently
on the burial plot,
staring into the night sky
as the air grows crisp
and cicadas begin to sing,
recalling times
of celebration,
joy,
and shared sorrow,
smiling ever so slightly
as if to know,
for absolute certain,
that one day
we would meet again,
telling those same old stories
as if no time had passed.
Yet here we are,
buried in grief,
stuck,
without the physical release
of walking the land,
clearing it,
drudging it,
placing our loved ones to rest,
hovering over their bodies
as our tears and sweat
accompany them
to the dust.
What has become of grief?
What has become of us?
We now birth the way we die,
choosing to outsource
our somatic rituals of transition
to the one
with a 4.5 star Google review,
1,100 reviews,
fewer than 50 complaints,
all responded to
by an AI bot.
What has become of us,
as we have outsourced
our grief?
About the Author
Leigh William, MSc Integrative Therapy, is an author, integrative therapist, and early life expert whose work explores how our earliest experiences shape emotional regulation, relationships, and the ways we respond to life's most difficult transitions.
Drawing on nearly three decades of experience supporting individuals and families, alongside her research into trauma, attachment, and somatic healing, Leigh writes at the intersection of science, lived experience, and the human search for meaning. Her work invites readers to question the patterns we inherit, the adaptations we develop, and the ways we might reconnect with ourselves and one another.
Her forthcoming book, Beyond Adaptation, Understanding the Patterns That Shape Our Lives, examines how the experiences that once helped us survive can continue to influence how we think, feel, love, grieve, and live. Blending psychological research with personal reflection, the book explores what becomes possible when we begin to recognize these patterns and move beyond simply adapting to life.
Through her writing, Leigh returns to a central question: What does it mean not merely to survive our experiences, but to live fully beyond them?
Discover more about her writing, research, and forthcoming publications at LeighWilliam.com.
